bookmark_borderLost in time on the telegraph line

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Image: Casey Horner

“The road to enlightenment is long and difficult, and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines.” – Anne Lamott

One of my goals for 2018 was to sit and eat breakfast, without distractions, and certainly not scoffing my food whilst simultaneously putting on a load of washing, and reading a book. I wanted to slow my life down, and breakfast seemed like a good place to start.

Dr Joe Dispenza says that the only way to change a habit is to change the way you do things, so to have a more mindful breakfast, I changed from eating in multiple places, to sitting on my very neglected front porch. As I re-familiarised myself with this lovely space, I took a moment to look around me.  What caught my attention was the  telegraph poles and their gently swaying wires that weave their way through my  suburb. These tall, lanky poles and wires, instantly transported me to another time and place, to my younger years, travelling those long distances in the family car. It was a time when journeys to a new holiday destination took days to complete. The journey itself was a mini holiday as we ducked and weaved into cute little towns, each with its own unique architecture and personality. It was a time when we would have to stop and eat at a local fuel station diner, as there were no fast food outlets back then. Yes, those drives seemed to take forever, but then, it meant we had more time to just be, the pace of life, slower, gentler. We had time to stop and eat, time to visit the local botanic gardens, or buy some local produce or hand-made wares. Every town and every landscape was unique. These days, car trips are completed in a quarter of the time, thanks to super highways and byways, we skip the smaller towns and gulp our food while our cars gulp up the miles, on monotonous and continues streams of ashphalt.

While there were challenges back in the day, I still look back with fond memories because life was simpler. There weren’t the distractions of social media, 24 hour news cycles, endless stories of disasters. Road trips consisted of big old, spongy, roomy cars, with the voices of bored children drowned out by a static-filled radio station. When the game of ‘I Spy’ had exhausted itself, and our throats were hoarse from loudly belting out our favourite car tunes, there was little to do, but stare out the window. Kids these days might burst a blood vessel at the idea of not having an electronic device to entertain themselves, but I loved looking out the car window in a trance-like state, watching the road’s edges move in and out like a grey wave, melting into the asphalt under our car, and then there was the telegraph poles. I’d amused myself by trying to focus on each pole as it came closer and then zipped past blurring into the backdrop of the countryside. But it was the wires that I loved to watch the most. I loved the way they looked like they’d been delicately draped across each pole, how they seemed to move like gentle waves rising up to kiss the top of the telegraph poles and then slowly drooping back down like a jilted lover, only to rise again once more. It felt like a metaphor for life. Up, down, up, down. Continuous lines that went on, unbroken, no matter how many towns we passed. I was fascinated by how a simple wire could connect people, and before mobile phones, was often the difference between life and death. I would be mesmerised watching the sway of these simple strands of metal, interrupted occasionally by a flock of birds, happily surveing their domain.

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I would often just stare, looking but not seeing, my mind viewing but simultaneously not thnking. I think this is what I miss the most. I was lucky, as a child, it was a time of greater freedom, few responsibilities, of not having to worry about anything, but mostly, it was having time to zone out. It wasn’t a deliberate time out, as we seek to do these days with a scheduled mediation or mindfulness practice, it just happened naturally as a part of everyday life, a time when we lived more slowly and in the moment.

In our ridicouls drive for economic growth, we have created lives filled with endless chatter, input, output, deadlines, manic drives for growth, that there is little time for gazing. When’s the last time you looked at the night sky, or sat quietly watching the sun rise, or simply sat in a park, without a book or device and just watched the trees sway, people walking, clouds emerging and disappearing? I know I can’t remember.

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The other day, I was due to meet a friend for a coffee. She didn’t turn up because she had double-booked herself, so I sat there and wondered, “What do I do now?” I didn’t bring anything with me to occupy my time, because I knew I’d be busy catching up with my friend, and I’d gone to a little extra effort putting on a nice outfit. I thought, do I sit here alone and treat myself to a lovely cup of tea and just watch the café as it goes about its daily rituals, or go home? I didn’t really want to go home because I was in the mood for some social exposure, one of the downsides of working from home. I decided that I was going to test myself to see how I would manage sitting alone, with nothing to distract me. I’ll be honest and say I found it difficult to start with. The not-so-nice part of my mind was trying to tell me that if I stayed, I might look like a looser, sitting there alone, obviously I had no friends! But the wise part of me said, who said there’s anything wrong with enjoying some time on your own, enjoying your own company. Plus, the creativity I’d been trying to foster, I now know, flourishes when I allow myself time be still and empty, creating a space for inspiration to drop in.

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It was such a freeing and inspiring experience, that I promised myself that I would take myself out on a date again. Whether it’s sitting alone in a park, a cafe, or staring at telegraph wires floating in mid air, I understood the great benefits of creating head space. I’m not so great at dedicated meditation practice, but I am able to just sit and stare into the distance, to just be still, with my eyes open, feeling, more than seeing all that is around me. I’ve decided to stop berating myself for not being a great “traditional” meditator and instead, I’ve found a method that allows me to be physically and mentally still. Sometimes I find stillness when I draw or sew, but the body is still active. To be able to be fully present in mind and body is a real gift. It slows down our nervous system, calms our breathing and just gives our neural circuits, a much needed rest.

So, as we watch as the machine slowly wind up after the holiday break, consider making time to if not stop, at least slow down long enough to notice life around you. It seems counterintuitive to take 10 minutes out of our crazy busy days to indulge in a little quiet time, but just like an over-tired toddler, a short nap or break, leaves us refreshed and able to tackle the noise and demands of the rest of our days and weeks.

By gifting yourself time to notice a telegraph pole, or opening your eyes to the magic of simple events in your neighbourhood, you may not only create a little peace inside yourself, but you may also notice how some of life’s simple sights and events, when put together, create that rich canvas  that is the lived experience.

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What helps you zone out and find a moment of inner calm? What have you noticed today? Why not write these in a journal. You might be surprised at how some of the simplest things can bring you some peace-filled pleasure.

bookmark_borderPassion, Focus and Courage

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“Passion is one great force that unleashes creativity, because if you’re passionate about something, then you’re more willing to take risks.” – Yo-Yo Ma

Some time ago, I was grappling with focus, as in trying to focus on one thing I loved, instead of many. You see I have many “loves” or passions, that all pull me in their own respective directions. Unlike my neighbour who says she has no interests outside family and work, I have an encyclopaedia of delicious creative underlings all vying for my attention, from counselling and mentoring to writing, sewing, photography, gardening, the list goes on and on.

So how to focus and do “that one thing”?  I recalled some advice from a clever coach who asked his students to try and identify what I call the “time munchers”.  He used sensible words like, “identify those activities , those pursuits, where time seems to stand still and yet so much time has passed without you realising it”. I have to admit that all my interests are time munchers but there is one that seems to call more loudly than the rest and it is writing.

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When I’m doing the dishes and staring blankly at the foaming water, dialogue forms in my head, as though a secret little stash of ideas just sits, waiting to hitch a ride on a soapy bubble and float it up into my “head-o-sphere”. Or when I’m making soup, in a queue at the supermarket, or sweeping a floor. Ideas emerge from the ether with little effort or even a request on my part. And so, many hours are happily munched away as my fingers transmit the offerings into shapely things on a screen. And then they wait, and wait, and wait in cyber-land until I channel a brave archetype, and realise that it’s ok to share these musings. You see I, like many writers I suffer with the “good enough syndrome” – that debilitating state of mind that judges and critiques and compares and never seems to be satisfied.

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So, to cure this syndrome, I had to remind myself that anyone can call themselves a writer, there aren’t any prerequisites, no forms to fill in, no DNA checks required – you call yourself a writer because you love to write. I’m also a photographer and a crocheter because these are the things I do. I may not have a PhD in any of my interests but I make no claims to be an expert, simply a lover of creative pursuits. Creativity is like manna from heaven, a golden faucet allowing inspiration to flow and inspire, a poultice for a wounded heart or a frazzled mind.

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Twice today I’ve munched away my time doing something I love, and I sincerely hope you will too. Take courage and take the first step towards doing something that helps you jump on that space-time continuum, where you disappear into the “time munching” field of creation. Taking the bold step to follow creative urges, particularly when we are newbies, does take courage but each time you make a new beginning, you will strengthen your courage to step into the unknown, after all, despite all our cleverness, no one knows what tomorrow holds.

So to help you make a start in following your passion, I shall leave you with these beautiful words, from a truly expert wordsmith, the late and great mystic John O’Donahue, from his book “Benedictus”. John truly understood the divine act of creation and that we have to simply trust our own hearts and intuition, make a start and follow that which is already here.

“Indeed, our very life here depends directly on continuous acts of beginning; but these beginnings are out of our hands; they decided themselves. Beginning precedes us, creates us and constantly takes us to new levels and places and people. There is nothing to fear in the act of beginning. More often than not, it knows the journey ahead better than we ever could.”

So what is your passion?  Why not take one small step towards it today.

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bookmark_borderLunar Lessons in Time

Image courtesy: mnn.com
Image courtesy: mnn.com

The healing and rejuvinating process of sleep had been evading me this past week, possibly a cosmic side-effect of an ever growing moon. The night prior to the full moon, sleep finally descended upon me, but rather than sleep in, I was woken up by a brilliant silvery light that invaded my darkened room. I knew it was the moon enticing  me to join her, but at 5am, after being so sleep deprived, my brain protested. However, for a change, I obediently followed my intuition. I had a feeling that there was something important in this call to action.  With fluffy robe and bleary eyes, I walked towards my bright companion. For a moment I closed my eyes and bathed in the light, but it wasn’t the light I was called to witness, it was the passing of time.

Image Courtesy: donsmithblog.com
Image Courtesy: donsmithblog.com

You see, the moon was poised just above a small mountain near my home and as I stood watching, I could see for the first time, her relatively rapid movement as she made her way back down into the lingering hours of darkness and her light slowly dissolving from view.  With the stillness of the mountain as a marker, I had a sense of her movement which I hadn’t noticed before. When I occasionally glanced up at the moon, she appeared to be part of a magnificent still life, a painting of cosmic beauty, but with the picturesque mountain quietly standing its ground, I suddenly realised how quickly the moon moved across the sky and equally, how quickly her departure marked the end of yet another 12 hours, never to return.

Image courtesy: creationscienchalloffame.org
Image courtesy: creationscienchalloffame.org

I realised that this brilliant celestial body moved at the same pace she always has, ever since her creation, with a rhythmic and steady pace, the way that all cosmic bodies rotate and girate to the grand universal clock.  This bella Luna suddenly gave me a breathtakingly accurate picture of time.  I’d never stood long enough to watch day or night sky, otherwise I would have seen this magnificent procession, as it circled the planet with unbridled determination years ago.

Image courtesy: inspirably.com
Image courtesy: inspirably.com

For the first time, I saw our earth’s clock ticking and with it, my own time signature.  Suddenly I was hit with the realisation that time really waits for no one, the sun will rise and set, as will the moon, each day cascading into the next, an ever flowing river of time that cannot be halted.

The Lesson?  If there something to be done, don’t dwell on it, just do it. If there is something that ails you, try to find a solution and solve your dilemma so that you can get back into life and do the things make your heart smile.

Image courtesy: elmesky.com
Image courtesy: elmesky.com

As I write this now, the sun is now setting over the same picturesque mountain. It’s fiery glow was piercing my eyes as I began this piece and now as I conclude, it has already dropped into the awaiting arms of the night sky. My little mountain has become my new time marker. Who needs a watch when you have the heavenly sky?  So with time literally marching along, will I get that walk in that I promised myself, or do that creative course I keep putting off with lame excuses, or call my mother before she calls me again?  Will I do these things before the heavenly bodies settle too many more times behind that mountain?

Image courtesy: aquotes.net
Image courtesy: aquotes.net

bookmark_borderNo map required

Ever have times in your life, when day, after hilly day, you feel like life is just one constant uphill climb, but not the climbing up the ladder kind of climb, with all its pots of gold and rainbows as dangling temptations, nope. This is the “Oh my goodness, when will life just plateau a little so I can catch my breath kind of climb, and where did that boulder come from?”

Image Courtesy: kindasassy.com
Image Courtesy: kindasassy.com

You see, as a perfectionist, I like to be in control.  I like to know where I’m going, what’s the journey going to be like, what’s the weather forecast, what’s around the corner, what does the corner even look like and what’s at the end of the journey.  I want details, details, details.  I want directions. Lots of them.

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So what does directions have to do with pushing boulders up hills?  Well, with perfectionism, comes the desire to tell the universe just how you’d like it.  I’m talking specifics here, in full technicolour glory, about doing it your way, because your conscious mind knows better, and yet, continually pursuing that dead-end job, or that crumbling relationship means you are pushing it up hill.  Despite the advice of some well meaning gurus, you know that thing about manifesting what you want, well sometimes what you think you want, isn’t what your soul really needs, and so all this wishful thinking means, your “thing” just ain’t gonna happen.  We think we know what we want, what course our life should take, the right job, the right house, and the right possessions that will really make us happy, but too often, those are things we “think” we want.

Right now you’re scratching your head saying, “Yeah, that’s right it’s what I think, so it’s what I want.  What else is there?”  Well you see there’s this “thing” we carry with us into adulthood and it’s a bunch of circuitry that has it’s own unique program. That circuitry is our brain and the program comes from the environment we grow up in.  We are deeply influenced by the thoughts and beliefs of our caregivers as we are growing up.  So when we consciously think we want the White car, is it really “our” choice or that subconscious parental voice saying, “White is the safer colour. Choose no other”, when what we really want is the Orange one because it better matches our own soul’s desire.

Image Courtesy: pressrewindblog.com
Image Courtesy: pressrewindblog.com

Excessive Perfectionism, like all other limiting or self-defeating beliefs requires us to stop and examine which are programmed thoughts and which are those coming from our heart and soul.  So back to uphill climbs.  If we can move from “thinking” what we think we want, and instead connecting in with our heart’s desire, and then step back, we allow the universe to meet us half way and give us what our soul needs, thus removing many a boulder and hilly climbs.

Like all reforming perfectionists, I’ve had to let  go of the need for details and directions, and understand that the universe dishes out information on an “needs to know” basis.  The more I let go of what I think I should be doing in any aspect of my life, the more I get clarity on where I really need to go.  Mysterious synchronicity weaves it’s web, one strand at a time, so that like a graceful spider, I can inch my way along the path, as each delicate thread magically appears. And while the journey may not always move forward and more often sideways, it is the detours that can often yield the most unexpected surprises!

Image Courtesy: sodahead.com
Image Courtesy: sodahead.com

bookmark_borderI’m certain about uncertainty

Image courtesy: apkdownloadget.blogspot.com
Image courtesy: apkdownloadget.blogspot.com

Uncertainty, how you seem to want to follow me

I seek to rest on a safe and stable shores,

And yet, an ocean of unknown destinies dislodges me even more.

The more I resist, the more you persist.

Why can’t you let me be, with my diary of certainties that help me avoid calamities.

But you won’t be beaten, you stalk me, an ever present shadow.

I feel secure in my safe haven of monotony and predictability,

But you laugh as you continually pull the rug out from under me.

So today I stop, I no longer insist.

Your mysterious ways can have me,

For resistance is useless and fighting, wasteful.

I fling myself into the open, uncertain if you will catch me.

But throw myself I will, trusting in uncertainty’s whim.

Silvana Nagl 2015 (copyright)